This Crucified Life: What I No Longer Miss

What is the purpose of this message today? Why focus on what I no longer miss? Because today’s message is about what dies and what rises within each one of us. Luke 9 is the clearest, the sharpest, and the most recovery aligned call Jesus ever gives. It is a call to deny self. A call for us to take up our cross daily. A call to follow after Him. And it is one where we are asked to count the cost because it requires that we lose our life in order to save it. It is where we come to the end of ourselves, attempting to gain the appeasement of those around us, to gain what the world may offer us, yet lose our very soul in the process. It speaks directly to the “things I no longer miss” in my own addiction, codependency, chasing the girlies, and pretending to be someone I never was.

Welcome back, fellow travelers. If you haven’t watched the recent devotional in our Set of the Sail series— “The Lord Giveth Knowledge: The Spiritual Awakening of Christian Recovery”—I encourage you to do that. In that message, we talked about walking the crucified life… not coping, not managing, not surviving… but dying to self so that Christ may live fully in us. Having a real genuine spiritual awakening to the things of God.

Today, we’re going deeper. Because if we’re honest, many of us have spent years trying to “manage” life on life’s terms. But Sacred Sobriety is not about management. It’s about transformation. It’s about stepping boldly into the victory Christ already secured.

You and I have twenty‑four hours today. And I want to take a few of those minutes to speak directly to the wounds, addictions, anxieties, fears, and faith crises that have shaped us.

Because there are things I no longer miss. And I want to show you why.

Anchor Verse — Luke 9:23–26: “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.

This is the heartbeat of recovery. This is the heartbeat of discipleship. This is the heartbeat of Sacred Sobriety.

Jesus is not calling us to cope. He is calling us to die— to ego, to self‑will, to the old patterns, to the old wounds, to the old survival strategies. And in that death… He calls us to live. To live a blessed and abundant life. To live with peace of mind and joy in our hearts. Yet to do this – he invites us in because we are heavy laden, weary travelers and are in much need of rest (Matthew 11:28-29).

From Surviving to Thriving: The Spiritual Awakening Every Christian in Recovery Needs

If you’re not familiar with the early story of Alcoholics Anonymous, it’s often said that the ideas behind the Twelve Steps were shaped by the Oxford Group—a gathering of Christian men committed to honesty, confession, restitution, and surrender. Bill Wilson, one of AA’s founders, was deeply influenced by them. But today’s devotional isn’t about the origins of AA. It’s about a man named Rowland Hazard, whose struggle with alcoholism led him to seek help from the famed psychiatrist Carl Jung in the early 1930s.

After extensive treatment, Jung told Hazard something that sounds harsh but is deeply honest: his condition was hopeless from a medical standpoint. His only hope, Jung said, was a spiritual experience—a profound awakening that would transform him from the inside out. That realization eventually shaped the foundation of AA itself. Hazard’s spiritual awakening, experienced through the Oxford Group, was shared with Bill Wilson, and from that encounter the Twelve Steps were born.

Let’s sit with that for a moment. Because in my own journey—through recovery, sobriety, homelessness, fear, doubt, and a faith crisis—I had to face the same truth: everything was utterly hopeless until I had a spiritual awakening. Some call it “hitting bottom.” But I’ve come to see it as the moment the Holy Spirit reveals Christ to us in a way the intellect alone could never reach.

Today, many try to think their way into faith. They know about God but never come to know God Himself. And that brings us to the heart of today’s message: What does it mean to truly know God—and Jesus Christ whom He has sent? (John 17:3)

Our anchor verse is Isaiah 1:18–20, where God invites us to “come and reason together.”

Come now, let us argue it out, says the Lord: if your sins are like scarlet, will they become like snow? If they are red like crimson, will they become like wool? If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land, but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

This is not an intellectual debate—it is an invitation to examine our hearts, our wounds, our failures, and our inability to save ourselves. It is a call to return, to be still, and to know that He is God.

Today, we explore what it means to know Christ, to know the Father, and to know who we truly are through a genuine spiritual awakening.

Learning to Love Myself Through God’s Eyes

Learning to love myself was the first mountain I ever had to climb in recovery. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength—and the second is like it: to love our neighbor as ourselves. I thought I loved God. I thought I loved others. But I had never learned how to love me. And when I finally faced that truth, I realized I didn’t just “not love myself”—I despised myself.

When I was drunk and alone, I’d curse myself. I’d repeat the harsh words spoken over me by others—especially family. Emotional abuse, degradation, bullying, name‑calling… all of it became the internal script I lived by. I believed I was worthless, stupid, manipulative, selfish, unlovable. And because I believed it, I lived it.

So I kept God at arm’s length. I kept people at arm’s length. I feared abandonment, rejection, and judgment. I feared giving God my whole heart because I assumed He would eventually reject me too. Shame became the lens through which I saw myself, others, and God.

But recovery forced me to confront the lies. It forced me to ask: Who does God say I am? And in that painful, holy unraveling, I began to learn to love God with what little I had. I began to see myself through His eyes. And only then could I begin to love others with sincerity, depth, and courage.

Anchor verse – Hebrews 1:3 – He is the reflection of God’s glory and the exact imprint of God’s very being, and he sustains all things by his powerful word. When he had made purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high.

Christ is the exact imprint of God’s being—and through Him, we learn who God is, who we are, and how deeply we are loved.

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Set the Sail of Recovery and Sobriety: “If Any Would Follow…”

I do not recall the specific moment in my own recovery journey when Jesus placed a crossroad before. For one, I have had multiple crossroads placed before. And I am sure many of you have had those same crossroads placed in your own life and path. These crossroads were not placed with thunder, not spectacle, because they were often placed with a quiet, piercing invitation. At times, and for me, came by way of conviction that brought me to the knees of humility because of an entitled selfish attitude. Other times came in moments of comfort and spiritual direction when someone took the time to obey without delay the promptings of the Holy Spirit. And still other moments where it is the quiet witness of confirmation, and then further confirmed by another’s message and teaching.

That tiny word if holds the weight of your destiny as well as my own destiny. it is the hinge between us surviving and thriving, between bondage and freedom, between the life we’ve known and the life Christ longs to give us – you know, that abundant life where there are peace and joy in Him? An abundant life where we come to rest in Him.

Today, we are stepping right into this profound, simple, and quiet invitation with courage, clarity, and a sound mindset that is honest. Stepping into understanding how the cross becomes transformative in our path, in our lives, and in our relationships.

Anchor Verse — Matthew 16:23–26 (cf. Luke 9:23–26, NRSVUE): “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any wish to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?

Welcome back, fellow travelers, to Sacred Sobriety: A Path for the Soul. We are continuing our series Set the Sail for Recovery and Sobriety. Today we’re walking with Jesus into one of the most demanding—and liberating—teachings He ever gave. Matthew 16:23–26 and Luke 9:23–26 confront us with the truth that discipleship is not an accessory to life; it is the surrender of life. And yet, in that surrender, we discover the abundant life we’ve been aching for. As Tozer writes in Salvation Walks the Earth, “Every man holds his future in his hand… destiny waits on the nod of his head.” Today, we nod toward Christ.

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Facing Both Ways: When Christian Recovery Loses Its Direction and the Soul Begins to Drift

I have found moments in my own recovery journey, faith, and life when I realized I have been living divided. One part of my heart longs for God, healing, peace, and truth. Yet, another part wanted to reach back toward toxic patterns, unhealthy attachments, worldly validation, and spiritual compromise. And I found that I am not alone – many people today are exhausted, not because they do not love Christ, because they are attempting to face two different directions at once. This is the spiritual condition A.W. Tozer exposed quite powerfully within Chapter Seven of his work The Set of the Sail. The chapter is titled, Facing Both Ways. Tozer observed a Christianity that spoke Christian lingo while slowly adopting worldly values. He warned of a divided orientation – a soul that attempted to follow God while remaining emotionally attached to the systems that once kept the person in bondage.

For many of us fellow travelers, walking through recovery from addiction, codependency, family dysfunction, spiritual abuse, or faith crisis, this tension feels painfully familiar. Each of us desires freedom, yet sometimes we mourn the chains left behind. We seek Christ, yet fear surrendering our life and will over to His care. We pray for healing yet continue to entertain voices that have wounded us.

However, the Gospel never calls us to a divided direction. Christ invites us into His rest with a wholehearted orientation.

Anchor Verse – Psalm 16:8 (NRSVUE): “I have set the Lord before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.”

A divided heart creates instability. Scripture teaches that “the double-minded are unstable in every way” (James 1:8, NRSVUE). Recovery becomes quite fragile when our own direction is unclear. Faith becomes shallow when we attempt to seek both the approval of God and the acceptance of unhealthy systems that tend to distract and lead us away from Him.

Today, let’s take a moment to reflect on how Tozer diagnosed modern Christianity with what he called dual orientation. Theology that faces God, yet desires continue facing the world. The result is spiritual confusion, emotional exhaustion, compromised conviction, and diluted discipleship.

Let’s face it: many Christians on a path of recovery understand this quite deeply and personally. Addiction itself is often rooted in divided affection – wanting peace while feeding into the chaos. Desiring intimacy while hiding in the darkness of dysfunction. Wanting God yet remaining emotionally tethered to destructive patterns.

Christ does not merely improve our attitude and behavior – He reorients the entire person. Are you ready for a spiritual reorientation of the heart, mind, and spirit today?

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“I Believe in the Communion of Saints”

In our personal recovery journey, there needs to be a moment of clarity when one realizes they were never meant to heal alone. Isolation may have helped each one of us survive, but it is within communion and fellowship that we truly learn to thrive. A.W. Tozer poignantly expressed this truth, stating, “Men are made for each other, and this is never more apparent than in the church.” In today’s culture and society, fractures within families, persistent codependent patterns, cycles of addiction and relapse, as well as faith crises, continue to plague many. Yet, amid this turmoil, God offers something completely different: a spiritual home where wounded people can become whole.

The common narrative suggests, “the Gospel is true and perfect – but the people are not.” However, this perspective can lead individuals to believe that they do not need a community or fellowship. If one clings to this misleading notion, they are walking in deception and obeying the lies of the adversary. The truth is that our Heavenly Father fervently calls us into fellowship with one another, urging us to form a united front in our faith, all to fulfill the law of Christ as articulated in Galatians 6:2, which encourages us to bear one another’s burdens.

Anchor verse – Acts 2:42 (NRSVUE): They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.

Today’s devotional delves into and explores A.W. Tozer’s conviction that the Church, as Christ’s redeemed community, stands as the most significant body on Earth. For those in recovery, the communion of saints is not a luxury; it is a prerequisite for true spiritual growth and discipleship. We grow best, heal deepest, and thrive most fully when we engage with others who, like us, are being transformed by grace. This message seeks to unpack Tozer’s profound insights, apply them to the realm of recovery, and offer a practical acrostic—S.A.I.N.T.S.—to help individuals embody the communion that God has designed for us.

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Solidarity in Our Suffering

Every one of us knows what it feels like to wake up inside a prison we never saw ourselves enter. Not a prison of steel bars, but the kind built from fear, shame, distorted thinking, and the quiet suffering we carry alone. These are the prisons that don’t show up on a background check—but they shape our lives all the same.

And here’s the part we rarely admit to ourselves: most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re locked inside. We just feel the weight. The cycle. The hopelessness. Recovery calls this “your side of the street.” MRT calls it “recognizing your prison.” Scripture calls it remembering—remembering those in chains as though you were chained with them (Hebrews 13:3). Because the moment you recognize your own captivity is the moment you become capable of standing with someone else in theirs. Not with pity. Not with judgment. But with solidarity born from shared humanity and redeemed suffering.

I’ve lived in those invisible cells. I’ve counseled people trapped in them. And I’ve watched God use both literal and internal prisons to refine character, restore dignity, and reveal His mercy in ways comfort never could. So when I talk about suffering in solidarity, I’m not speaking as an observer—I’m speaking as someone who has been behind those walls and found Christ already waiting there. This devotional isn’t about theory. It’s about truth. It’s about recovery. It’s about the Gospel. And it’s about learning to see our own captivity clearly enough that we can walk beside others without superiority, without fear, and without pretending we’ve never been imprisoned ourselves.

What is the prison of your own suffering? For me, it was those moments where my life seemed to come undone – the rug pulled right out from underneath me. Locked in my own irrational thought process, false beliefs, and not understanding the reason I seemed to constantly be in this never-ending cycle of always finding myself in a place of brokenness, suffering, and hopelessness. There are moments in many individuals lives where they are in some form of a prison. And this prison may be a literal prison, or it may be a product of one’s circumstances. Whether this is a place of financial debt, broken relationship, physical limitations, disability, or injury, or any other constraining circumstance. 

Yet, the single most travesty within our Christian faith communities and fellowship is when fellow saints perceive those who are in some form of prison and are suffering – see them with a biased assumption that God has not favored them. That, they have committed some form of sin, or are spiritual rebellion. To some extent, there are those who have this idea that Christians suffering in their own prisons are lacking faith in God. 

However, let’s consider the Apostle Paul: he probably experienced similar judgments and perceptions. Specifically, when we read his epistles that were written while he was in prison and suffering for the cause of the Gospel. Early saints of the way may have seen his trouble as a sign of God’s own disfavor and wondered how someone with so much potential had fallen to such lowly depths. 

Now, consider the reality of what I am wanting to share with you today. Prisons today different from person to person – and are full of God’s beloved sons and daughters. Despite this reality, He uses these prison moments in profound and mighty ways. We see how he used Paul’s suffering and prison moments, Joseph of Egypt, John the Baptist, John the beloved disciple, and numerous other men within scripture. Most of these men were used by God in powerful ways and they have experienced imprisonment, captivity, or depth of loneliness and despair – and our Heavenly Father, in His tender mercies, used those moments. 

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Daily Devotional — The First Step

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. For when I am weak, then am I strong.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak… but in His strength I can do all things.” — Alma 26:12

Most of us don’t realize it, but the first wound we ever carried wasn’t our addiction—it was the lie we learned as children that we had to survive by becoming someone other than ourselves. We learned to read the room before we learned to read words. We learned to manage chaos before we learned to manage emotions. And somewhere along the way, we mistook helplessness for identity.

That early training didn’t disappear when we became adults. It followed us into our relationships, our faith, our recovery, and even our self‑talk. We still brace when someone raises their voice. We still worry as if worry is a form of love. We still perform, please, fix, rescue, or disappear—because that’s what kept us alive.

But Step 1 interrupts the old script. It invites us to stop pretending we’re the hero of our own story and finally admit the truth: We are powerless. Our lives have become unmanageable. Not because we’re weak, but because we were never meant to carry the weight of being our own savior. This is a heavy realization, but it serves as the foundation for a new beginning—a chance to reframe our lives not through the lens of our past traumas but through the lens of possibility and divine intervention.

This is where the shift begins. This is where the “shoulds” lose their grip. This is where we stop inheriting identity from our past and start receiving identity from God. It’s in this profound moment of acceptance that we realize that our worth is not dictated by our past or the roles we’ve been forced into. Instead, it is shaped by love, grace, and the potential for renewal.

You’re reading this because you’re waking up. You’re recognizing the patterns you inherited. You’re seeing the wounds you carried. You’re noticing the survival roles you never chose. And you’re brave enough to ask what God might do with all of it. This act of awareness is powerful—it’s the beginning of healing, the first step towards dismantling the facades we’ve built over time. It encourages us to confront not only our behaviors but also the underlying beliefs that have served as barriers to our growth.

This devotional will walk you through that first sacred step— from learned helplessness to liberating surrender, from inherited identity to God‑given identity, from self‑reliance to grace. Each section will provide insights, reflections, and exercises designed to deepen your understanding and foster your journey toward authenticity and healing. It’s an exploration of the contours of grace and an invitation to build a relationship with a loving God who doesn’t demand perfection but rather seeks connection.

You’re not alone in this. You’re not broken beyond repair. And you’re not starting from scratch—you’re starting from truth. This truth can be unsettling, but it can also be immensely freeing. As you engage with these concepts and allow them to take root in your life, you’ll find yourself evolving into the person you were always meant to be—whole, healed, and deeply loved for who you truly are. The journey ahead may be challenging, but rest assured, it is also filled with hope, love, and the promise of transformation.

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The Architecture of Anger: Navigating Threats, Expectations, and Addiction in the Refiner’s Fire of Recovery

Anger is not a random eruption. It is a structure—a system of triggers, distortions, and emotional wounds that form a predictable pattern. This understanding of anger as a structured response is crucial because it helps us identify the root causes of our emotions rather than viewing them as mere spontaneous reactions. In recovery, gaining insights into this architecture becomes essential for healing and personal growth. Consider this, “Anger is a progressive challenge in recovery and a symptom of deeper pain.”

This notion emphasizes that anger often masks underlying issues, such as unresolved trauma, anxiety, or fear. By acknowledging these connections, we can address the true sources of our anger instead of simply reacting to it. When we learn to map its components—recognizing our triggers, understanding the distortions in our thought patterns, and confronting our emotional wounds—we stop being acted upon by these feelings.

In doing so, we transition from a passive experience of anger to one where we can act with spiritual clarity and agency. This active engagement allows us to express our emotions constructively, facilitating healthier interactions and fostering deeper connections with ourselves and others. Embracing the complexity of anger paves the way for genuine healing and allows for the development of coping strategies that contribute to a balanced emotional life. Ultimately, this journey empowers us to reclaim our well-being and operate from a place of understanding and compassion.

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Sacred Sobriety: Genesis 7:17-20 – When the Flood Prevails – Faith Endures

Every one of us knows what it feels like when the waters rise—when circumstances swell beyond our strength, when emotions surge without warning, when old patterns threaten to drown the progress we’ve made. Yet Scripture reveals a deeper truth: when the flood prevails, God prevails even more. The waters that overwhelm us never overwhelm Him.

Introduction

Welcome, fellow travelers. As we continue our journey through the Daily Exodus, we step into a moment where the floodwaters rise, the ark lifts, and God’s covenant faithfulness becomes the only stable ground in a world filled with uncertainty. In this tumultuous landscape, we find solace in the assurance that we are never alone. Today’s anchor verse reminds us that God does not merely rescue us from the flood—He carries us through it, guiding us with His unwavering love and strength. The same God who lifted Noah above the waters lifts us above addiction, shame, fear, and the remnants of our old life, empowering us to cultivate resilience and hope amidst adversity.

Anchor Verse — Genesis 7:17–20 (NASB2020)

“Then the flood came upon the earth for forty days, and the water increased and lifted up the ark, so that it rose above the earth. And the water prevailed and increased greatly upon the earth, and the ark floated on the surface of the water. And the water prevailed more and more upon the earth, so that all the high mountains everywhere under the heavens were covered. The water prevailed fifteen cubits higher, and the mountains were covered.”

As we traverse this challenging terrain together, let us hold fast to the promise that, just as the ark provided refuge during the storm, our faith acts as our shield, protecting us on this rugged path toward redemption and renewal. In the face of adversity, it is this unwavering belief that offers us solace and strength, enabling us to navigate the darkest valleys and climb the steepest mountains. Each step we take is guided by the light of our convictions, illuminating the way forward. Together, we can draw upon the deep well of inspiration that our shared journey nurtures, fostering resilience and hope as we strive for the brighter horizons that await us beyond the clouds of doubt and despair.

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