Molded by God: Identity, Healing, and the Beauty of Being Fearfully and Wonderfully Made (Psalm 139:14)

I always had this inclination that something was wrong. And whenever that feeling rose up, I was convinced it was because of someone else. Someone failing me. Someone not stepping up. Someone not doing the honorable thing. I lived with this constant sense that other people were the reason I suffered. And underneath all of that? A deep ache that no one truly cared, no one appreciated me, no one saw the effort I poured out trying to prove myself.

I chased validation like oxygen. I wanted approval so badly that I shaped myself around what I thought others wanted. I tried to be the “better person” in the eyes of everyone else, all while never actually seeing who I was. I was blind to my own entitlement, blind to my victimhood, blind to the way I was both the victim and the villain in someone else’s story. Hypervigilant. Defensive. Exhausted. And yes—hurt by real betrayals, real lies, real wounds that left me carrying depression, resentment, bitterness, and anxiety like a backpack full of bricks.

And then came the moment that broke me open.

My father had just been released from the hospital after months in intensive care from a brutal auto accident. I had given up everything to be there. And yet, I found myself standing on a cold Seattle curb in January of 2005 with nothing but a backpack, work boots, and three cartons of cigarettes. No home. No money. No plan. No one.

I walked the streets of Seattle wondering if this was the end of me.

But God had other plans.

A transitional housing program took me in. I rested. I worked. I rebuilt. And slowly—slowly—I found my way back to faith. But even then, I still couldn’t see myself clearly. I still felt unworthy. I still lived for validation. I still believed I had to earn dignity, earn love, earn respect.

It wasn’t until years later that the Holy Spirit began breaking the spiritual blindness I had carried for so long. And the revelation was simple, but it shook me to my core:

I didn’t know who I was. And I didn’t know how my Heavenly Father saw me.

Anchor Verse — Psalm 139:14 (NASB2020): I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

Two words rise like mountains in this verse: fearfully and wonderfully. Fearfully — yārē’ — to stand in awe, reverence, astonishment. Wonderfully — pālā’ — marvelous, extraordinary, beyond human ability.

This is not casual language. This is identity language. God is not saying, “You’re barely acceptable.” He is saying, “You are My intentional, awe-inspiring work.” We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works that He prepared beforehand (Ephesians 2:10). Even when we feel like a mistake, God calls us purposeful, crafted, and known (Psalm 139:1–4).

So today, let’s walk slowly through what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made—especially when we don’t feel like it. Especially when addiction, shame, trauma, or codependency have distorted the mirror we look into. Especially when our past tells us one story, but God is trying to tell us another.

From Surviving to Thriving: The Spiritual Awakening Every Christian in Recovery Needs

If you’re not familiar with the early story of Alcoholics Anonymous, it’s often said that the ideas behind the Twelve Steps were shaped by the Oxford Group—a gathering of Christian men committed to honesty, confession, restitution, and surrender. Bill Wilson, one of AA’s founders, was deeply influenced by them. But today’s devotional isn’t about the origins of AA. It’s about a man named Rowland Hazard, whose struggle with alcoholism led him to seek help from the famed psychiatrist Carl Jung in the early 1930s.

After extensive treatment, Jung told Hazard something that sounds harsh but is deeply honest: his condition was hopeless from a medical standpoint. His only hope, Jung said, was a spiritual experience—a profound awakening that would transform him from the inside out. That realization eventually shaped the foundation of AA itself. Hazard’s spiritual awakening, experienced through the Oxford Group, was shared with Bill Wilson, and from that encounter the Twelve Steps were born.

Let’s sit with that for a moment. Because in my own journey—through recovery, sobriety, homelessness, fear, doubt, and a faith crisis—I had to face the same truth: everything was utterly hopeless until I had a spiritual awakening. Some call it “hitting bottom.” But I’ve come to see it as the moment the Holy Spirit reveals Christ to us in a way the intellect alone could never reach.

Today, many try to think their way into faith. They know about God but never come to know God Himself. And that brings us to the heart of today’s message: What does it mean to truly know God—and Jesus Christ whom He has sent? (John 17:3)

Our anchor verse is Isaiah 1:18–20, where God invites us to “come and reason together.”

Come now, let us argue it out, says the Lord: if your sins are like scarlet, will they become like snow? If they are red like crimson, will they become like wool? If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land, but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

This is not an intellectual debate—it is an invitation to examine our hearts, our wounds, our failures, and our inability to save ourselves. It is a call to return, to be still, and to know that He is God.

Today, we explore what it means to know Christ, to know the Father, and to know who we truly are through a genuine spiritual awakening.

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Set the Sail of Recovery and Sobriety: “If Any Would Follow…”

I do not recall the specific moment in my own recovery journey when Jesus placed a crossroad before. For one, I have had multiple crossroads placed before. And I am sure many of you have had those same crossroads placed in your own life and path. These crossroads were not placed with thunder, not spectacle, because they were often placed with a quiet, piercing invitation. At times, and for me, came by way of conviction that brought me to the knees of humility because of an entitled selfish attitude. Other times came in moments of comfort and spiritual direction when someone took the time to obey without delay the promptings of the Holy Spirit. And still other moments where it is the quiet witness of confirmation, and then further confirmed by another’s message and teaching.

That tiny word if holds the weight of your destiny as well as my own destiny. it is the hinge between us surviving and thriving, between bondage and freedom, between the life we’ve known and the life Christ longs to give us – you know, that abundant life where there are peace and joy in Him? An abundant life where we come to rest in Him.

Today, we are stepping right into this profound, simple, and quiet invitation with courage, clarity, and a sound mindset that is honest. Stepping into understanding how the cross becomes transformative in our path, in our lives, and in our relationships.

Anchor Verse — Matthew 16:23–26 (cf. Luke 9:23–26, NRSVUE): “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any wish to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?

Welcome back, fellow travelers, to Sacred Sobriety: A Path for the Soul. We are continuing our series Set the Sail for Recovery and Sobriety. Today we’re walking with Jesus into one of the most demanding—and liberating—teachings He ever gave. Matthew 16:23–26 and Luke 9:23–26 confront us with the truth that discipleship is not an accessory to life; it is the surrender of life. And yet, in that surrender, we discover the abundant life we’ve been aching for. As Tozer writes in Salvation Walks the Earth, “Every man holds his future in his hand… destiny waits on the nod of his head.” Today, we nod toward Christ.

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From Rockpiles to Cathedrals

I never realized how many various rock-piles I’ve carried with me. And I also realized I was not alone because every one of us carries rock-piles – a place in our lives that feels heavy, unfinished, unlovely, or overwhelming. In the throes of our addiction, codependency, fear, shame – a relationship may feel stuck. A past feels immovable. A future feels uncertain.

However, scripture insists that God sees more in us than the rubble we carry. He sees the cathedral hidden inside the stones.

Anchor verse – Isaiah 61:3: “…to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of faint spirit. They will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, to display his glory.”

God does not merely remove the ashes – He transforms them. He does not simply clear the rubble – He builds something enduring, beautiful, and strong.

Welcome back fellow travelers. As we continue our journey through sacred sobriety, we pause today to consider the quiet miracle of imagination – holy imagination. The ability to see what God sees. The courage to believe that the rubble of our lives is not the end of our story.

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Set the Sail – Faith Rests Upon God’s Character

The destiny of one’s recovery is shaped by the idea of God a person carries. Traditional recovery thought teaches that newcomers enter a spiritual program where they are free to identify God “as they understand Him.” For some, this means the fellowship itself becomes a Higher Power; for others, it means any concept of a power greater than themselves.

Over time, a peculiar phrase emerged in recovery culture: “Your Higher Power can be anything — even a doorknob.” It is repeated so often that many assume it comes from the Big Book or the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

It does not.

Neither text suggests that an inanimate object can restore sanity, guide moral change, or receive a surrendered will. The “doorknob god” appears nowhere in AA’s foundational literature.

Anchor verse – Psalm 9:10: “Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

The idea actually surfaced in the treatment centers of the 1970s and 1980s. As addiction treatment became professionalized — especially in secular or state‑funded programs — counselors avoided religious language to prevent the appearance of imposing faith on clients. To lower resistance, some staff used exaggerated examples: “Even a doorknob can be your Higher Power if it helps you get started.”

It was never meant to be literal. It was a strategy to reduce defensiveness.

But like many exaggerated teaching tools, it escaped its context. It became folklore. It became satire. Critics of 12‑step spirituality used it to mock the idea of a non‑religious Higher Power. Newcomers repeated it without understanding its origin. And eventually, it became a kind of shorthand for the early, clumsy attempts to describe surrender without demanding theology.

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When Confession Breaks the Illusion: Walking in the Light of Real Recovery

William James once wrote: “For him who confesses, shams are over and realities have begun; he has exteriorized his rottenness.”

Confession ends the exhausting work of pretending. It pulls what is hidden into the light—not to shame us, but to free us. In recovery, confession is not a one‑time event; it is a rhythm, a posture, a way of walking honestly before God and others. It invites us to step into authenticity, shedding the masks we often wear and revealing the true selves beneath.

When we consider the act of confession, it is crucial to understand that it goes far beyond simply admitting wrongdoings. It encompasses acknowledging our vulnerabilities, our fears, and our shortcomings. It is about facing the parts of ourselves that we might prefer to keep hidden or buried deep within. Confession invites us into a space of liberation, where we can experience the healing power of honesty, not just with ourselves, but with those around us.

Anchor verse – 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

This divine reassurance underscores the importance of confession in our lives. This is never a one-and-done moment. Confessing our sins is an active part of our path and spiritual growth. There is a continuous invitation to engage in this practice, to reflect regularly on our actions and attitudes, and to communicate them with sincerity. The act of confession can take various forms: it might be through prayer, journaling, or discussions with trusted friends and mentors.

There is also a communal aspect to confession; it’s about allowing others to bear witness to our journey of growth. This sharing fosters deeper connections, trust, and support within our communities. Confession can also serve as a catalyst for accountability, encouraging us to maintain our commitments to growth and change.

And there is more to confessing than we may fully understand. What are some of the ways we may confess? And what does it refer to when it says to confess our sins? What exactly are we confessing? Most of us may answer that we are to confess any wrongdoing on our part. And that is definitely an aspect of confessing.

But it may also refer to confessing our failures, our doubts, and our feelings of inadequacy. It may involve voicing the pain we carry and the burdens we bear, creating an opportunity for healing. Confession is a profound act of vulnerability that invites grace and understanding into our lives, not only from God but also from those around us who may offer support and encouragement. Through confession, we can truly experience the freedom that comes with honesty, forgiveness, and a renewed sense of purpose on our spiritual journey.

Today – we are going to take a look at how confession is the very courage to stop pretending. To step out of the idea that we need to fake it till we make it. And to see how this all ties into a twelve-step recovery program for Christians walking a path of recovery, desiring to thrive in their sobriety.

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WEEKLY RECAP: WALKING IN TRUTH — A Sacred Sobriety Reflection

Our daily walk in recovery and thriving in sobriety provides a story. I love what the apostle Paul writes, “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by all, and you show that you are a letter of Christ, prepared by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets that are human hearts.” (2 Corinthians 3:2-3, NRSVUE). Our testimonies are living epistles. This is the reason I love what is said in the Celebrate Recovery rooms, ‘He took my mess and turned it into a message and took my test and turned it into a testimony.”

These stories are of struggle, of quiet faithfulness – and yet always a story of God’s sovereign and divine grace in our moments of weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). This past week, the devotional messages formed a single thread woven through four powerful themes.

  • Spiritual Discernment
  • Spiritual Direction
  • Mindful Prayer
  • Distinctiveness of a life transformed by Christ

Each one of these messages point us back to one central truth: Thriving in recovery and sobriety requires spiritual clarity, honest self-examination, and a heart anchored in Christ. And through the acrostics – we explored:

  • T.R.U.T.H
  • D.I.R.E.C.T.I.O.N
  • P.R.A.Y.E.R
  • H.O.L.Y

Hopefully you discovered a pathway that strengthens your heart, mind, and spirit; steadies the steps of anyone seeking lasting freedom.

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Pressing Into the Profit of Prayer

Have you ever had someone challenge you regarding prayer? Maybe mock you for praying? Perchance you’ve had someone tell you that they no longer have faith in God because their prayers never were answered, and they questioned the existence of God.

The ancient skeptic in Job sneered, “What is the Almighty, that we should serve him? And what profit should we have if we pray to him?” (Job 21:15). Tozer notes that the tone was dripping with contempt, tossed aside “like Pilate, without waiting for a reply.” Yet Scripture and the lived testimony of the saints thunder back: there is profit in prayer—much every way.

Tozer writes, “An invitation to prayer is an invitation to omnipotence, for prayer engages the Omnipotent God and brings Him into our human affairs.” This statement is staggering and profound. It launches us into the reality that prayer transcends mere verbal expression; it allows us to interact with the divine authority of God Himself. Prayer is not a religious hobby; rather, it is the God-ordained means by which heaven bends low into human history. When we pray, we are not simply whispering into the void—we are summoning the God who parts seas, raises the dead, and renews the weary.

Perhaps the most compelling aspect of prayer is that it is not bound by the limitations of human understanding or experience. The act of prayer invites the supernatural into our mundane realities, connecting us with the Creator who desires to be intimately involved in our lives. How often do we overlook the opportunity to engage the infinite just because we cannot see immediate results? Tozer emphasizes this beautifully. “An invitation to prayer is an invitation to omnipotence, for prayer engages the Omnipotent God and brings Him into our human affairs.”

As Scripture reminds us, the anchor verse – Hebrews 11:6“Without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” In times of doubt and uncertainty, this verse serves as a crucial reminder of the foundational belief that our faith ignites our relationship with God—the very essence that fuels our prayers and hopes.

In a world that still echoes Job’s question, we stand firm on the testimony of the ages. Tozer reminds us that “God Himself has supplied the answer, and the universal consensus of the ages has added an Amen.” The saints testify across time: prayer works because God works. Prayer profits because God is present. Prayer transforms because God responds.

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We Must Test the Spirits of Recovery and Sobriety

When recovery meets revelation, discernment becomes a moment of thriving in sobriety. We test substances for purity — why not spirits? The same vigilance that guards sobriety must guard faith. The relapse of the soul begins when we stop testing what we trust.

We find ourselves in a time when the mantra of “to thine own self be true” echoes throughout recovery circles, highlighting a growing trend that prioritizes subjective authenticity over absolute truths. This modern movement in recovery and sobriety often veers away from the profound spiritual truths embedded in Scripture and the Christian faith, diluting the very essence of what it means to be truly free.

In this era of counterfeit light, our culture is awash with spiritual noise—false prophets promising quick fixes, hollow promises of peace, and fleeting joys that inevitably fade. Many are turning to a version of recovery that embraces personal desire and subjective experience over divine guidance and genuine transformation.

Yet, Christ calls us to something deeper. He invites us not into cynicism or despair but into a clear and sober understanding of our identity in Him. True sobriety is not merely the absence of substances; it is the presence of a spirit anchored in truth. It is about discerning the lies that this world offers and embracing the flawless truth of God’s Word.

As we embark on this journey of genuine recovery, let us challenge the shallow waters of modern self-discovery and dive into the depths of spiritual sobriety. Surrendering to Christ means shedding the noise of empty promises and embracing the clarity that comes from knowing Him. True recovery is about reclaiming our lives from distraction, grounding ourselves in faith, and walking in the light of His truth.

In a world saturated with uncertainty, let us hold fast to the enduring hope found in Christ, where true transformation begins and lasting sobriety thrives. Are you ready to embrace a recovery journey that leads to true freedom?

Anchor Verse:Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” – 1 John 4:1, NRSVUE

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General Conference Reflection: Come Home – The Savior’s Call to the Weary

There have been those moments in my own life when silence felt louder than any noise – when distance from God doesn’t come through rebellion, it comes through weariness, disappointments, or quiet drifting. In those moments – I never thought of them as sacred hidden places. However, Elder Clark G. Gilbert’s message, Come Home, reminded me of how Christ rescued me. Elder Gilbert’s testimony is both disarming and deeply personal: Jesus Christ is not waiting to condemn you – He is actively calling you back. This is not an invitation for us to return to any religious belief – it is a return to a covenantal relationship where Christ desires to bring us face-to-face with our Heavenly Father. Through this process, we find healing, restoration, peace, and the joy that surpasses all understanding. It is an invitation for those wandering and lost today.

And here is the profound truth Elder Gilbert centers his message: Christ is not only our Redeemer – but He is also our Repairer. This distinction is of immense importance. Many of us hold to the idea that Jesus forgives us – however, how many of us truly believe and experience the reality of His power to restore us? Through personal stories, doctrinal clarity, and prophetic and apostolic witness, this message unfolds the spiritual reality and truth – no fracture; spiritual, emotional, or relational, is beyond the Savior’s power to amend through the gift and tender mercies of the infinite atonement.

Elder Gilbert’s message acknowledges the real barriers that prevent people from returning. It is these barriers I have found myself referring back to regarding my own devotional teachings and messages. The very same barriers I’ve struggled with over the years in returning back to the faith of the Restored Gospel. Feelings of not belonging, feelings of inadequacy, doubt, or even feeling trapped within cultural or religious expectations often obscure an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Elder Gilbert does not dismiss these struggles; instead, he speaks directly into them with compassion and clarity. His approach is refreshing as it resonates with the hearts of many who grapple with these complex emotions.

For me, the ultimate truth of this message is not about people leaving the faith – it is about the reason they are able to return. And for me, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is not a place for perfect people – it is a home for those returning. This home isn’t just a metaphorical return; it’s a genuine invitation to embrace love, understanding, and acceptance in the arms of a Savior who knows our struggles intimately.

Consider what the Savior taught regarding this profound and yet simplistic principle and truth:

As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax-collection station, and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he got up and followed him. And as he sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting with Jesus and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” But when he heard this, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Matthew 9:10-13, NRSVUE).

In this scene, Jesus is having a meal with Matthew, a former tax collector, and a mixed crowd of people whom the religious leaders dubbed as tax collectors and sinners. When the Pharisees, the self-appointed guardians of what’s pure and pious, ask why he would spend time with such unclean folks, Jesus turns the whole conversation on its head. He doesn’t see himself as a judge but as a healer. He highlights that his mission isn’t about reaffirming those who think they’re just fine—essentially the self-righteous—but about reaching out to those who are honest enough to see their own brokenness. By quoting the prophet Hosea—“I desire mercy, not sacrifice”—he underscores that compassion trumps strict religious rules or pushing people away.

In addition to this powerful depiction, it’s crucial to reflect on the implications of this teaching in our daily lives. The moments we find ourselves in judgment rather than in service can detract from our mission as followers of Christ. When we look at the world with eyes that see brokenness, we are called to serve rather than criticize. Our posture should always be one of humility, recognizing our own need for mercy.

For me, Christ is not waiting to condemn; even the Apostle Paul writes: “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, NRSVUE). In my own life, those I have ministered to and sat in counsel with over the years have experienced this invitation to come back to Him. And the sad reality is: how often do we stand in the shoes of the Pharisees? How often are we prone to judge and criticize those who have left the LDS Faith, or even those who have left the Christian faith in general? While the Pharisees saw the dinner table as a place of judgment and an opportunity to avoid those who are deemed unworthy – sinners – Christ saw it as a place of ministry, healing, and deep connection.

One of the oft-repeated excuses that frustrates me is this: The Gospel is Perfect; the Church is True – the people are not. This bumper sticker cliché seems to slap a band-aid on people who have truly been disappointed, hurt, or pushed to the side as if they don’t matter or belong. This perspective can inadvertently perpetuate a culture of exclusion rather than inclusion, failing to recognize that the essence of the Gospel is about love and reconciliation.

In reality, Jesus’ message invites every individual, regardless of their past or present struggles, to experience the fullness of His grace and mercy—a message that should resonate deeply within the walls of every church and community devoted to His service.

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