When I first heard someone share their story about growing up in a home with family dysfunction, it felt like a punch in the gut. The pain resonated within me, and despite trying to appear calm on the outside, I was left in shock and awe. The experience made me feel vulnerable and frightened, and I wasn’t ready to admit why. This moment triggered a profound personal journey for me.
I embarked on a path of mindfulness, deep introspection, and re-evaluation of everything I thought I knew. The process of deconstructing my false beliefs and cognitive distortions was taxing and draining. It often left me feeling dazed, confused, and restless. Sometimes, I woke up with an overwhelming heaviness on my mind and heart. During this time, I confronted my personal religious views and beliefs, particularly those about Christ, his atonement, the scriptures, and my LDS faith. It was also a period when I re-read significant works like Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s “The Cost of Discipleship,” A.W. Tozer’s “The Pursuit of God,” and “The Crucified Life.” Unlike the modern deconstruction movement within progressive Christianity, my journey was characterized by an irresistible draw towards Christ and his atonement.
As I went through this process, I found solace in connecting with others experiencing similar crises. Sharing and learning from each other became a source of strength. I delved deeper into understanding the traits associated with Adult Children of Alcoholics and Family Dysfunction, guided by the Holy Spirit and my Heavenly Father. This process revealed areas in my life that needed focus and attention, helping me shed my old ways and embrace a mindful, crucified life through Jesus Christ.
I have developed tools to resist the natural tendencies to revert to old patterns. My ongoing spiritual growth involves deepening my relationship with Christ, maintaining spiritual disciplines, working the steps, and nurturing healthy fellowship with friends and allies. I lean on those who have struggled before me and those who continue to struggle alongside me. In turn, I hope to be a support for others on their spiritual growth and recovery journeys.
Living a mindful, crucified life means embodying peace and stability, knowing I am not alone. Each day, I strive to manage the reality of my story, hoping to inspire someone else dealing with a similar crisis to start their own path of healing and restoration through faith in Jesus Christ. By maintaining fellowship with fellow travelers, reaching out to those in need, and fostering my relationship with Christ, I continue to grow and heal.
Ultimately, my life changed when I wholeheartedly surrendered my heart, mind, and strength to the will and care of God as I understand Him. It takes courage to reach out and walk alongside others on this righteous path, but it is a journey worth undertaking.